Now that we've clarified all the basic elements in the first part, it's time to understand how we can work with it all. We can't expect our lives to change overnight once we understand this information. As with anything in life, you have to put in the work. Make the reps. Fall and get up. Do the work! ### The Self-Help Paradox We often try to fix feelings of lack by filling them up with external things. Buying more stuff, having more sex, doing more drugs. We try to hide or escape from the real problem, knowing these are just temporary band-aid solutions. Most of us are aware there's something inside that needs fixing to remove the feeling of emptiness or addiction. By addressing the root cause, we eliminate the problem forever, which is always tied to some emotional injury or trauma. An experience we avoid facing head-on, so we flee and distract ourselves with the things we're most inclined to run towards, whether it's porn, drugs, gambling, or whatever. These are the bad habits the self-help communities are eager to replace. The problem with the self-help hype is that it remains similar to fleeing from your internal problems if you don't do the inner work. You simply replace an unhealthy addiction with a healthier one. Even healthy habits can be bad for you in excess. Either you fall back into old habits and feel more defeated than ever. Or you notice that the feeling of emptiness is still there. So in the end, you haven't won anything, and sometimes things can get even worse. To see real change in the external world, we need to heal our internal one. This is why it's called inner work, which is more easily said than done. A good start is to understand the actual dynamics. By knowing what's going on, you can become more intentional and effective with the actions you take. Let's look at a simple diagram to understand where this work is taking place. ### The Pyramid of Personal Change A good place to start is this simple three-layer pyramid, first developed by Peter Koenig. It helps to point out where "the work" needs to take place. So let's dissect the levels:  #### Life Circumstances This is what we ultimately want to improve. Things like being poor, nihilistic, and sad. Or being rich, fulfilled, and happy. Most of us recognize that it's virtually impossible to change these things directly because these circumstances are a result of our ... #### Habits, Attitudes, Beliefs, Behaviors & Perspectives These are the systems and processes in our lives that we hold, consciously or unconsciously. We commonly resort to altering this level to see changes in our life circumstances. We start trying things like exercising, journaling, or meditation. Yet the results of such attempts are variable, and we often remain stuck or revert to old behaviors. It simply depends on what kind of person we are, which is the result of our ... #### Identity This is what we see ourselves as, or are afraid to be, and what enables or prevents personal change. Our identity is the repertoire of characters we show up as in life and the characters we resist playing. Our struggles ultimately boil down to clinging to who we want to be or resisting who we are afraid to be, influenced by our formative years, such as family, culture, and religion. These are the parts of ourselves that we need to inspect to learn what our life circumstances ultimately are a consequence of. ### The Facade & The Inner Self Over our years as children, we're constantly exposed to expectations from our environment. We take on characters that conform to societal norms, which might not align with our authentic selves. We build up a facade over who we are deep down inside. Here are a few examples: - Growing up, someone might have been discouraged from pursuing artistic endeavors due to societal expectations or family pressure. But this person might have a deep passion for art, music, or writing and may find true fulfillment by expressing themselves creatively. - Social norms may suggest that a stable and settled life is ideal, leading someone to believe that constant travel or adventure is impractical. But they may feel a deep calling to explore different cultures, travel extensively, or engage in adventurous pursuits. - Cultural or family values may prioritize stability and job security, leading someone to believe that entrepreneurship is too risky. However, they may have a strong desire to start their own business and thrive in the dynamic challenges of entrepreneurship. It's these kinds of situations that make people suppress their authentic selves and build up a facade in which they don't feel at home, leaving them empty and unfulfilled. If we want to structurally affect our life circumstances, we need to reclaim those authentic parts of our identity. We need to break down that facade to reach our inner self. We need to reclaim those parts of ourselves to become whole again. This concept is also popularized and commonly known as "healing the child within." The child represents the early pure version of ourselves that has not yet been damaged by familial, cultural, and societal norms. Healing is the process of correcting these damages. ### Polishing The Crystal In "[[How Meditation Can Expand Our Consciousness]]," we introduced the metaphor of seeing our physical being as a highly crystallized form of our thoughts. In that chapter, we discussed meditation as a practice to expand our consciousness, to see how everything is connected, and to develop a relationship or communion with the Source. This is related to the generic part of our deeper purpose of becoming an agent for spiritual evolution, peace, and harmony. But in addition to developing such a habit, we also need to develop a deeper knowledge of who we truly are. To understand what makes each of us unique, how to embrace it, and how to apply it through our skills and interests. So that we can fulfill the specific part of our deeper purpose. Both are essential in understanding how Source is meant to express itself through us. Picking the crystal metaphor back up, we can distinguish two types of pollutants that affect clarity. Ice crystals can be: 1. Opaque and have bubbles in the core. 2. Dirty and scratched on the surface. Meditation should be seen as a way to purify the thoughts that are being crystallized so that opaqueness and bubbles are dissolved in the core and light can shine clearly through it. Inner work is how the facade is broken down to expose our inner self, so that the dirt and scratches are taken away from the surface and all the different facets shine bright. The facets that are extra dirty and let almost no light through can be imagined to be our shadow aspects. But these facets are still a part of us and need to be integrated, as they are part of what makes us whole. Another way to phrase it is to reclaim those parts of ourselves. ## The Path Of The Mystic It's clear now that healing and reintegrating these parts of ourselves are essential in the process of building a relationship with Source. But what could you expect that process to look like? And how long will it take? Evelyn Underhill is one of the foundational thinkers who came up with what she calls "The Path of the Mystic." This describes the process in five clear steps. We're using the same names of the steps she came up with, but we will make some translations wherever necessary to align with the terminology used in this book so far. #### 1. Initial Awakening Experience A moment of revelation or opening up to the understanding of a bigger reality than previously thought. It feels like you're waking up and seeing the world through new eyes. You'll start to question the conventional and see deeper meaning in life. Usually through a lot of trauma, but it could also be triggered by a beautiful illumination or epiphany. For me, this was the psychedelic experience described in the introduction. Which wasn't a traumatic experience at all. But oftentimes, you hear about people going through a very difficult experience that completely transforms their beliefs and worldviews, making them more open to spiritual or existential perspectives. #### 2. Gross Purification Once the beliefs and worldviews start to transform, a lot of new information will come to light. We will experience an insatiable thirst for new knowledge and start to understand the vastness of the journey ahead. We'll develop our intuition as a compass that guides us to new experiences and knowledge that resonate with our awakening spirit. The synchronicities will fly around your ears. By understanding all these new things, a lot of initial trauma will be burnt away. So we can start to receive more information, which involves both the light and the dark. This step can be described well with the "unclogging the pipe" metaphor that has been used earlier. The more we purify and get in touch with our inner self, the more likely we will have other mystical experiences. #### 3. Subtle Illumination The phase of deepening and integration with our inner self and Source. We will be experiencing transcendent, or mystical, experiences that break apart the conventional sense of self and give rise to visions and experiences of “oneness,” radiant lights, visions, and so forth. We'll start to experience a sense of purpose and being part of something greater. At this point, we should beware of any convictions of having become an enlightened being. This could lead to becoming a rather deluded and dysfunctional member of society. It's important to understand that these experiences are just the beginning and not the end. They are good signs and genuine experiences, but there is much work to be done yet! #### 4. Dark Night of the Soul When there's no more escaping from the purification work that needs to be done on ourselves, we often arrive at a darker period in the process. This stage alternates with the previous stage like a pendulum swing. The experiences of stage two, where we start to awaken to our ‘true nature,’ tend to stimulate all that is deluded, dysfunctional, hurt, wounded, devious, etc. within us. These things will rise and “fight back” so to speak, which can also be described as swimming in the dark. This struggle can be really hard, but remember that it will strengthen your knowledge and resolve. They will fortify your inner strength and commitment to the path. #### 5. Alignment with Source The process of going through stages three and four repeatedly over some time leads finally to a stabilizing of our "enlightenment." Aligning our life with the benevolent mystery of life rather than just with our ego and self-centered purpose. We return to ordinary everyday life to either teach what we have learned or to live as an awakened example. In this stage, we learn how to harmoniously integrate our everyday personality with our enlightened self while expressing ourselves in whatever way is most appropriate to benefit others.